He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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