No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
