can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You were trust falling into bushes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize