I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
