You just made me feel so damn special
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
