my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize