Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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