Don't you send me to vm
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
not ubering you a puppy
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
