And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
