i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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