Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
