Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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