we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
