Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
