i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
