tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
