there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
