didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
