his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
