Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
