I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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