Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
