Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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