It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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