I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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