I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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