Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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