So drunk its hurt
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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