he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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