he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
