it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
