You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
