Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
