My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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