College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
