just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
