just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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