you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
