could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The air was thick with penises
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
