Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
