these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Randomize
