I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
ok first of all what the fuck
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