When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
