he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
