I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
