I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
