On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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