I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
