Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
