thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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