So drunk its hurt
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i drank out of a bidet.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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