only if we run a train.
done.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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