oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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