I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
