Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
