Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
bring money and cleavage
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
