The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
