It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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