I accidentally burped into my bong.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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