Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
