at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
