they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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