You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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