I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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