Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
