Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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