So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
