he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
