You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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