the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You've changed since you got that strap on
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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