I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
