your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
