# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
