I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How does one acquire holy water?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
