Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
tell me about the eggs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
