we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
