don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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