Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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