i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
