People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
