I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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