i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
whose parrot is this?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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