I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize