apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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