im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
