So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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