I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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