my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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