You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
