I wish I only lived at night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
